Mr and Mrs Pink’s Experiment

To assess the observational skills of present-day Homo sapiens, Mrs Pink and I go shopping on a Saturday morning, leaving our clothes behind.

As we wheel our trolley into the supermarket, a teenage girl talking on a mobile phone says, “Hey Trace, guess what’? Two sticks ’f rhubarb just went by.” What she means by rhubarb, we’ve no idea, but at least someone has noticed us.

A toddler, having a tantrum by the sweet counter, breaks free of its mother’s hand and rushes towards us, shrieking, “Yum, yum, yum, big sweeties, tasty,” and bites Mrs Pink on the thigh. Fortunately for her, the gummy creature’s few milk teeth aren’t strong enough to break her skin. “Come here, Daniel,” says Mum. “Leave the rhubarb alone.”

A tall young man approaches us, wearing a frown and a smile. He has a badge pinned to his jacket with ‘David, Store Manager’ written on it. He says, “So sorry, we weren’t expecting you today. Most remiss of part of Head Office not letting us know. Exactly which rhubarb product are you promoting?”

Feeling confused and a little curious, I tell him we’d very much like to see where he keeps the rhubarb.

“Of course,’ he says. “Which would you like to look at first? Fresh, chilled, or frozen?”

“Fresh will be fine.”

On our way to the rhubarb, a customer glares at us and then complains to a woman next to him, “Damn commercial gimmicks. Whatever will they think up next?”

David stops and points at something macabre dumped in a green crate. “Here it is. Our very own locally grown rhubarb.”

Mrs Pink takes one look at the pile of prostrated sticks piled high with their tops removed, and emits a wail of despair. “But you’ve chopped off their heads and killed them.”

The Manager laughs, obviously thinking Mrs Pink is acting. “Uh, well, a decent boil in the pot with sugar and a little water should revive them.”

Mrs Pink and I lean against each other for support, regretting leaving our spaceship in the woods instead of the supermarket car park for a quick getaway. We urgently need to warn our kind about how Earth people treat our young, to save Vege sapiens from extinction.

Rhubarb
Rhubarb (Photo credit: FotoosVanRobin)

Tagged

I’ve been tagged by randomreasoning, so here I am, rising to the challenge. Do go and check out her honest and humorous blog, which she describes as being her “journey into the daunting and exciting world of the empty nester” and as giving “a little insight into how (she’s) learning to define (her) life without children underfoot”.

The rules of tagging are:

  • you must post the rules
  • answer the questions the tagger set for you in their post
  • create eleven new questions to ask the people you’ve tagged
  • tag eleven people with a link to your post
  • let them know you tagged them

The questions I must answer are:

1. What happened on the best day of your life?

A whole day? This isn’t paradise. You know what families are like – if you choose a best day and they weren’t a part of it, they’ll sulk and be jealous of the people you have mentioned. So I’ll say, the day we brought our Labrador puppy home, as she made everyone happy.

2. What is your greatest talent?

That’s for others to judge.

3. What have you done in your life that makes you the most proud?

Instilled a love of reading in my children.

4. What do you believe in that others might doubt the reality of?

That UFO and alien sightings are psychic projections into our own world’s future.

5. If you could travel in time, where would you go?

Jerusalem 31-33 AD. I’d especially like to shadow Doubting Thomas, and have concrete proof of Christ’s resurrection.

6. What’s your favourite holiday and why?

I’ve not had many holidays, but my ideal holiday doesn’t involve airports, traffic jams, or crowds, but is about beautiful countryside, long walks, and not having to do any cooking.

7. Any time in your life that you’d like to have a ‘do-over’? Explain if you can.

I try not to go down that route, if possible. I once apologised to someone in my family for a choice I’d made ten year’s back that I perceived as hurting them, and their reply was, ‘yes, but if you’d done things differently, I would never have met the people who are my friends now’.

8. What’s your favourite movie and why?

Dances with Wolves. I love seeing a man transformed, as he becomes absorbed into a culture he once regarded as the enemy.

9. If you could spend one day doing anything you wanted, what would it be?

I’d like to spend it in the company of someone who could one-hundred percent prove that a loving God existed and that Hell was a figment of human imagination, but only so long as the proof didn’t involve it being my last day on earth.

10. What are your views on social media?

It saves on travel fares. It can distract the undisciplined from work. Great for recluses. Not good, if it becomes an addiction, or prevents you from social interaction with your real-life friends and family.

11. Have you ever broken the law and what did you do? You needn’t answer if it will get you thrown in the pokey?

When I was fifteen, I tried to fare dodge by whizzing past the ticket barrier with my finger over the place-name on my student railcard.     

And my eleven questions are:

1. What’s the naughtiest thing you did at school, and did you get caught?

2. What’s the worst grade you got in an exam, and was it your fault or someone else’s?

3. Have you ever farted at a really embarrassing moment?

4. What do you feel about writing Christmas cards?

5. Do you sleep on your back, front, left side, right side, curled up in a ball, straight out, recovery position, or upside down?

6. What percentage of books on your bookshelves have you read?

7. If your computer is running slow, or your internet is down when you’re in a hurry, how do you react?

8. Have you ever been to a party and wish you’d behaved differently?

9. If someone you know and like has written a totally crap story, poem, or song and says they’re going to try to get it published, do you tell them it’s crap or leave them to learn the hard way?

10. If you won or inherited a vast sum of money, would you feel happy or burdened by it?

11. Is there an occasion when you spoke up about something and wish you hadn’t, or didn’t speak up about something and wish you had?

Time to tag the others:

GraphiteBunny

maggiemaeijustsaythis

clownponders

allaboutlemon

ericalder

everedwater

fivereflections

auroramorealist

lifeatfiftysomething

roboticrhetoric

scribblinghermit

BuddhaRocks project: a little white flower

RENEWAL

Bitter-sweet deep

rancid the flower weeps

strangled by sleep.

#

Beneath brown earth

thick with snails

she awaits birth

as the wind wails.

#

The snows fall

and Spring fails

as a grey wall.

#

Roots search in vain

where worms squirm

drowned by rain

sun turns earth firm.

#

On into the light

pushes the shoot

crowned flower white.

(c) Sarah Potter, 2012

——————————–

This poem is my contribution to the Buddha Rocks project for March.

To find out more about this inspiring multimedia project, visit Evelyn at http://fillingahole.wordpress.com and photographer Eric Alder at buddharocks.deviantart

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