#Friday Fictioneers — Back to Nature

Genre: Humour
Word Count: 100

BACK TO NATURE

The rising sun cut a crimson strip between the oak and ash. A well-sprung tuffet of moss by the stream picked up its positive vibes. Sun now. Rain later. Perfect.    

All is well, called out a blackbird.

I’m the greatest, rasped the magpie.

Cawed blimey, croaked the crow.

The moss zinged from its rhizoids up through its iodine-rich gametophytes and sporophytes. It was well and truly among friends.

Or so it thought, in its elemental mossy way.

Until a humungous hairy human arse* descended like a shit-smeared moon out of nowhere, to wipe and disinfect its arse on yours truly.

#

[*The UK spelling. In the US, it is an ass, whether a human posterior or a domestic donkey, which presumably would make an ass’s nether region an ass ass!]

    #

Friday Fictioneers: 100 word stories
Photo Prompt: image copyright (c)  Trish Nankivell

Author: Sarah Potter Writes

Sarah is a British eccentric who writes offbeat fiction, haiku and tanka poetry. When stuck for words, she sketches or paints instead. She's into nature conservation, sustainability, gardening, dogs, natural health, and reading. Her sociability is something that happens in short bursts with long breathing spaces in between.

34 thoughts on “#Friday Fictioneers — Back to Nature”

  1. Giggling here, Sarah, across the pond. Poor, put-upon (or shat-upon) moss! Love how you employ many a flourish of linguistic legerdemain (in the positive sense), from the get-go of “The rising sun cut a crimson strip between the oak and ash” to zinging rhizoids to the ‘humorous and earthy’ ending!

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    1. Thank you, Leigh. I know how much you enjoy playful linguistics yourself! Aren’t words wonderful? I’ve been away from them for too long, languishing in a world of writer’s block since last March. Must have been some magical unblocking particles in my first dose of the Pfizer vaccine this week!

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      1. Know that feeling! I do a lot of nonfiction writing these days; some fascinating to me, some less so. Indeed–from my aeons ago grad school days, I was delighted to learn from Professor Robbins (RIP) about ‘homo ludens’ in the poetry of folks like ee cummings, but I equally enjoy your amazing countryman Gerard Manley Hopkins’ dappled-dawn-drawn way with words. Happy writing, Sarah–I’m most pleased to hear it’s picking up for you and for your having gotten vaccinated! (The less said about the U.S.’ vaccine roll-out the better. Like many people, I have a family member with multiple deadly risk factors, but they’re not rich hospital donors or rich in general, so no jumping the line for them.)

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      2. It is not good for you there without an NHS. Let’s hope your new president will do his best to sort things out re getting vaccines to the poor. My GP practice is particularly ahead, but even in the UK it’s a bit of a postcode lottery.

        I totally love Gerard Manley Hopkins 🙂

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  3. I don’t know which will be harder to eliminate, the vision in my head, or the giggles. Either way, it was memorable, my friend, and I thank you for the gut laugh this Friday morning.

    I hope all is well with you. Have a fantastic weekend! Sending hugs from across the Pond.

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    1. Now no elimination, Bill, or you’ll be heading to the woods to try out some moss! I’m am so happy to have made you laugh, though the “gut” bit sounds dangerous 😉

      I am well, as I hope you are, too. Sending you huge hug from across the Pond.

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    1. I’m glad to have amused you, Carla 🙂 Being a pantser, my endings surprise me more often than not! Maybe I shouldn’t use this “seat of the pants” word under the circumstances!!! I think that breaking through the writer’s block is going to be a lengthy process — a case of enjoying the odd ray of sun when it deigns to show its face.

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  6. Dear Sarah,

    It was all sweetness and light at first until it all turned to shit. Some days are like that. 😉 I’m so happy to see you in the FFFold once more. Looking forward to chatting with you tomorrow.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

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    1. Dear Rochelle,

      I like the analagoy there. It is a bit like that at the moment. At least today shouldn’t go to shit, as it’s only 1.5 hours until our chat, according to the clock on my desk now. Unless one of our internets go down, or such like… No, I won’t even think of that, for fear of casting a spell.

      All best wishes,
      Sarah

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    1. It is porr moss, indeed! In my mind it was such a lovely soft, perfect, healthy clump of moss — the sort I used to like stroking as a child. I think I might have talked to moss as well. A very strange child, yes. Of course, toilet humour featured high in those days as well, and re-emerges sometimes even now 😀

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  9. Ah humanity, always crapping things up. But they write fun stories so I guess the world must put up with them… ^_^

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    1. Yep, you’re right there, Sun. We are so good at crapping things up. If we’re not chopping down countless trees to make toilet rolls, packs of which are often sold in plastic wrapping, we’re wiping our arses on things of beauty in nature. Come to think of it, I’ve seen dogs and cats skidding along on their bottoms using greenery as wet wipes!

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    1. Your comment on my story is most entertaining, Keith! I haven’t written anything for ages, but the oddenss of this prompt was too tempting to ignore, especially for someone who enjoys writing about odd things at the best of times.

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  11. Goodness.

    My husband grew up in the woods, and found it quite normal and unamazing to use various broad-leaf plants for –uh–sanitary purposes. “Whadda ya think the pioneers used? They didn’t have Charmin!”

    True. But I was no pioneer!

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    1. Personally, I don’t have a problem with it. I was just being tongue-in-cheek. If I had to wipe my bum and there was no paper or a bidet anywhere to be found, then I’d rather wipe my bum with moss than with my bare hand or, heaven forbid, with poison ivy! I think it’s most reassuring to know that there are plenty of natural resources out there, in case civilisation collapses, or goes back to the dark ages.

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  14. Sarah, it was some twist! A little of poetry, a little of science, trust in friends and neighbours… and then an arse descended and ruined everything! Still laughing:D

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