Friday Fictioneers — Measuring Up

Genre: Saucy fiction
Word count: 100

~~MEASURING UP~~

“Gosh, you’re tall!” people keep saying to me. How the hell would they like it, if I came up to them and said, “You’re short”?

At my first school, I was the shortest in the class. Then I swear that Mum put a cake in my lunchbox with similar magical ingredients to the one Alice ate in Wonderland, but without the shrinking antidote.

There’s this cute fellow at university, who calls me “his Amazonian beauty”. His mates tease him about conversing with my breasts.

Oh, they of limited imagination. He’s a mathematician and knows all about how to handle figures.

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Photo Prompt: Jennifer Pendergast
Friday Fictioneers: 100 word stories

  

Author: Sarah Potter Writes

Sarah is a British eccentric who writes offbeat fiction, haiku and tanka poetry. She's into nature, gardening, and natural health. For her, sociability is something that happens in short bursts with long breathing spaces in between.

64 thoughts on “Friday Fictioneers — Measuring Up”

    1. Lovely! I’m so happy to have made you howl, Bill 🙂 I’m 5′ 8″ tall, so quite tall but by no means Amazonian. I used to have a boyfriend who was shorter than me. He was a violinist. I could say something saucy here about his being good at fiddling with his bow… 😉

      Liked by 2 people

    1. Oh Sylvia, I’m glad I made you laugh 🙂 And thanks for telling me about Randy Newman’s un-PC song, which I’d never heard of before. I just popped over to YouTube to listen to it. Now it will be on my brain, too, as I pick up tunes very quickly!

      Liked by 1 person

  1. That *is* saucy fiction, nice! I like the bit about the mathematician and the figures, and am glad she found someone who appreciates her virtues!

    I can relate a bit about the “you’re tall” comments given how often I get the comment, “You’re so pale!” People mean it badly, I know, but I try to pretend they meant it as a compliment, and say, “Why thank you!” After that it’s harder for them to admit, “No, I meant it as an insult.” 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Joy 🙂
      My son will relate to the “You’re so pale!” comment. I must tell him to try that response of yours, next time someone says it to him. My problem is being very slim, so people assume I’m on a diet and dish up the smallest portion of food for me when I have a huge appetite. I once asked a woman who was hosting a dinner party, why she had given my husband the biggest portion of pudding, when it was me who wanted to put weight on and not him. She didn’t invite me again, but my husband now knows to swap puddings with me when this happens! People, and their personal comments D:

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Oh my, if people are presumptuous enough to serve out different sized portions to their guests without asking, they should expect said guests to engage in trading negotiations!

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Nothing sexier than a partner who knows how to handle figures and who isn’t intimidated for things that seem too high.

    Love the tone and theme of the piece. And your genre note made me giggle… and then nod. 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

  3. In answer to your question in the first paragraph, simply ask Rochelle. She knows all about being vertically challenged.

    I’ve always enjoyed math. One thing I’ve discovered when handling figures, the more you go over them the better you become at solving their mysteries.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Dear Sarah,

    I love this story so much I nearly applauded. It’s still dark out so I didn’t want to wake Jan so I didn’t clap. Delightful story. While it’s hard on boys to be short it’s difficult for girls to be tall. (Of course I’ll never know that firsthand.) The last line is perfect. This one is definitely among my favorites for the week. 😀

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Dear Rochelle,
      I adore the image of you awake in the early hours and sitting on your hands to stop applauding. Thank you so much for your lovely comment. Can you see me glowing at your praise from here? 🙂
      All best wishes,
      Sarah

      Like

  5. This was fantastic, Sarah! I loved it and burst out laughing! As you know, I’m a smidge taller than you and nothing makes me laugh more when I’m told “Oooh… I like tall women…” Now I’m going to have to wonder why… 😉

    Liked by 2 people

      1. Eccentric is good 🙂 I’m down south, in sunny Sussex-by-the-sea, but I visited York many years ago, as I had friends in the York Astronomy Society. We once raised money for the society by doing the Lyke Wake Walk across the Moors.
        In my latest, not yet published speculative novel, one of my characters passes through York whilst fleeing from pursuers. Her bicycle meets its end on a cobbled street!

        Liked by 1 person

  6. Great, novel use of the photo prompt, Sarah. I didn’t expect anyone to do what you’ve so delightfully called a saucy story. Wonderful observation re: how people feel it’s okay to remark on other people’s bodies (as if they were asked). I used to get the skinny/thin comments all the time, before children anyway.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks, Leigh. I didn’t expect it to turn into a saucy story either. The literary muse took hold of me and started to dish up that surprise halfway through. As a writer, I love being a pantser, rather than a plotter. It’s so much more suspenseful.
      I got the skinny comments after having children. Before that, I had an hourglass figure that weighed a couple of stones more.
      People and their comments. I only ever comment on someone’s appearance if I have something genuinely nice to say that will cheer them up, otherwise I keep quiet.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Sarah, I used to do the “I wish to report a burglary . . . a burglary” voice pretty well, but my husband hates how loud I have to get to pitch my voice so shriekingly high like that. Cool that you can do silly walks.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks, Inese. I’m glad the story amused you 🙂 And I agree with you, there are definitely more important things than what height people are. Some are so hooked on body image, whether it’s their own or other people’s bodies. There should be a place in this world for all shapes and sizes without censure. We should celebrate differences and not expect everybody to conform to a standard. It’s not like people can choose what height they are and, heaven forbid, that we should go down the route of designer babies!

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Some historians will argue that Napoleon was only short by today’s standards, but was of fairly average height for his time; that it was his enemies who spread misinformation about his diminutive stature to humiliate him. Still, he kept Josephine happy by all accounts, whatever his size!

      Like

  8. Perfect last line and well woven story throughout, great take. It reminded me of when I put got larger, the English would all say politely, “you’re putting on a bit of weight, when I returned to Portugal, my Portuguese friends all went, “Gosh, you’ve got fat!”

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Michael 🙂 Sadly, I’ve noticed that quite often the English say things politely to a person’s face, but then be rude behind their back. Out of interest, had you got fat? I’m guessing that you weren’t too offended by their remarks, or you wouldn’t still be calling them friends.

      Like

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