Sarah Potter Writes

Pursued by the Muses of prose, poetry, and music.

Friday Fictioneers — In Deep Water

PHOTO PROMPT © The Reclining Gentleman

Where have you gone? Your suits and ties are hanging in your wardrobe. Your toothbrush and shaver are in the bathroom.

On the kitchen counter are ten neatly folded chocolate wrappers, all empty, and a dose of insulin untouched. Beside these, sits your mobile phone and a silver coin.

Your phone rings. It’s my number calling.

‘Hello?’

‘Alice?’

‘Who’s asking?’

‘Nobody of consequence.’

‘Is that you, Charles? You sound strange.’

‘I’ve read your text messages.’

‘I can explain.’

‘Heads … I die. Tails … your lover dies.’

‘It was nothing serious.’

‘Car’s sinking fast. No signal soon. Then you lose us both.’

 #

Friday Fictioneers: 100 word stories
Prompt: image (c) The Reclining Gentleman

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42 thoughts on “Friday Fictioneers — In Deep Water

  1. You did a nice job of building tension here. I really enjoyed reading this. I guess she should have deleted her text messages, or have been honest.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Ooo! Scary. So many questions. I love the use of dialogue.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Oops! This won’t end well. 😰

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Nice twist. I’m guessing it won’t go well for the lover regardless of her choice.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Ah.. that was a truly nightmarish revenge.. I wonder if he gives a toss about the toss though

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Oh dear… lose-lose-lose!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I really liked this. In fact, an excellent take. Well done.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Dear Sarah,

    I love the way you built the tension. What stood out to me were the ten folded chocolate wrappers and the untouched insulin. That in itself told a story.

    So well done in every detail.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I like the chocolate wrappers and untouched insulin detail as well. Very well written with lots of tension. Great story, Sarah.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Well done. I was not ready for the ending!

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Lovely. So much said and unsaid in wonderful dialogue format.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you, so much, Alicia 🙂 Dialogue without tags leaves so much more to the reader’s imagination, although it can lead to confusion at times. When I read Hilary Mantel’s “Wolf Hall”, I kept having to flick back pages to check who was talking. It was most frustrating and has prevented me from reading another novel of hers, however interesting the subject matter.

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  12. I’m curious. Why did you include the info about the insulin?

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    • He’s playing with her emotions and diverting her from the main reason for his disappearance. A diabetic who’s eaten ten chocolate bars and not taken his insulin, is possibly intending to commit suicide, yet he asks her to toss a coin about who should die — him or her lover. As Bjorn says: “I wonder if he cares a toss about the toss”. In other words, does he intend to kill himself and the lover, too, whatever way the coin falls?

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  13. Jealousy is a strange emotion: it’s good to let your genes rule your head.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Very good. I like the way you’ve built suspense, and the ending is superb. What a predicament she’s in.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you, so much, Margaret 🙂 Such positive comments! She’s certainly in a most unenviable position. I regularly wipe my text messages, not because I’m up to anything much, but just out of principle. They’re private.

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  15. I love your build up – so succinct and so effective!

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  16. Nice Sarah, amazing how a compelling scene can be created so well in 100 words. Who needs novels?

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  17. The lesson to this story is either don’t cheat or be sure to remove your old text messages. Sounds like he’s getting revenge by drowning himself. A divorce would have been simpler, but not as good a story. This was a perfect example of depression in action. Well done, Sarah. —– Suzanne

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks, Suzanne. He’s certainly in a sorry state as a consequence of her texts. The thing is, an insecure or paranoid person is more likely to take a sneak look at their partner’s text messages than a confident and steady person. That being said, there are some incredibly nosy people in this world, who are also mega-confident!

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  18. So much suspense in so few words! I wish there were more!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Occasionally my pieces of flash fiction have sparked something longer. The last time this happened, a 400-word story ended up acting as a trigger for a 65K-word novel — not immediately, but a year later. So you never know …

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