Vapour clouds up high…
We scribble the world’s future
with metal crayons.
PB030006 Tracks of doom (Photo credit: northdevonfarmer)
Very nice. Specific, evocative, and not susceptible to a purely intellectual paraphrase. Right where I like poetry to be. Although — forgive the editorial intrusion — I feel a period would work better than the ellipsis at the end of the first line.
Thanks, Peter. I’m glad you liked my haiku. Comment away about punctuation. I’m getting a dose of my own medicine for once;-)
I adopted the ellipsis at the end of the first line when I first started writing this form, having looked at some famous Japanese haikus. Of course, these might have been placed there later at the quirk of a particular editor. I’ll look into the subject further, and see what else I can find. I appreciate you pointing it out.
This is a very controversial subject. Does it even need a period. Japanese haiku does not use punctuation. I tend to shy away from it and I think it is only my English upbringing that makes me put a capital letter at the start and a full stop at the end. If I was really brave I would use no punctuation at all.
A very nice piece, thank you very much – some times I have to ration my daughter when she is in a crazy scribbling mood – she uses up reams of paper and the bin gets overloaded.
Thanks, dear Bunny.
If only people would ration their holidays to places nearer at home, and more international business was conducted via Skype, then the sky wouldn’t get overloaded with fall-out from jets.
That is really clever and profound. Very well written, Sarah.
It’s not one of my most uplifting haikus, but it needs saying and what better way than through haiku – the few syllables discourage any descent into preachiness or patronisation.
There is an exhilaration one feels when one’s words strike the chord, whether as a writer or a reader. I felt it as a reader, and I sure hope you did as a writer, because they were perfect. Sometimes you have to say what you have to say, and not every book has a happy ending or a peachy tone to it. Those are the books or poems that change the world.
This would make a great poster for earth day!
What a good idea. Perhaps I should talk to Julian Sutherland-Beatson, who paints visual interpretations of my haikus, and see what we can come up with 🙂
I’m a bit slow today. I didn’t quite understand it until I saw the photo. Then it made blindingly bright sense.
Don’t worry. My husband didn’t understand it at first glance, either.
Hi Sarah, I am nominating you for the Versatile Blogger award. I have really enjoyed your blog.
Thank you so much. What an honour. You’ve really cheered me up. I’m thrilled you enjoy my blog enough to bestow an award on me 😀
I’m slightly out of commission today, re heavy computer use, but will do my Versatile Blogger post as soon as possible in the next few days.
I’ve just had a cataract operation on my right eye this morning, so have a dressing covering it. And my left eye is really short-sighted, so life will be one big blur until I can take my dressing off tomorrow. The good news is, that when they do the cataract in my other eye (probably 2 years from now), I can be made to have near-perfect sight and will only have to wear glasses for reading. Yay. Happy me 🙂
I hope you are feeling better soon. Don’t worry about a thing except recovering. I wish you a swift one. All the best, Naomi
Really good! Am enjoying your haiku very much!
So pleased you are enjoying:-)
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© Sarah Potter and sarahpotterwrites 2012-2017. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Sarah Potter and sarahpotterwrites with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.