Sarah Potter Writes

Pursued by the Muses of prose, poetry, and music.

A Spring Haiku (6)

Orchestra and choir…

A gale blows, twangs, and bangs,

hollering discords.

Gale

Gale (Photo credit: Kaptain Kobold)

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7 thoughts on “A Spring Haiku (6)

  1. One of you lovely people is the 200th person to click the *like button on my blog – so wordpress has just informed me. Thank you, whoever it is, as well as everyone else who has enjoyed my posts enough to say so. Much appreciated.

    😀

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  2. Another one that I really like. (Have you counted the second line? If so, congrats for braving the “rules”.)

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    • That’s the singer in me – if I had to sing the one-syllable ‘gale’, I would sing it as ‘gay-all’, making it sound as if it had two syllables. To sing it as if it had one syllable would make it come over as ‘gull’.

      This takes me on to the fact that I usually compose a Haiku in my head while walking along, as well as reading it out loud when I’ve written it down. It is therefore as much an auditory thing to me as a visual one.

      That being said, with the haiku in question, if I was exchange the word ‘bangs’ for ‘clatters’ it would purify the the syllable count, but an orchestra with clattering timpani – I’d hate to have to sing anything with it 😉 What do you think? Can I get away with my trangression and leave it as it is?

      I guess I can, as you did you say you really liked it.

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      • I am not a counter of syllables but everyone has their own way. The Japanese language uses more syllables than English to communicate the same a idea. So think of it as levelling the playing field. I say don’t change it – as I said before it is gorgeous. One of my favourites.

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      • I quite like the seventeen syllable idea, but I agree that this haiku works better breaking he rules.

        This is what they say about novel-writing, isn’t it? Know the rules first, so that if you break them, you do it effectively rather than clumsily.

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