Friday Fictioneers — Adrift Alone

Genre: Haibun (Japanese-style poetic prose)
Word count: 100

~~ADRIFT ALONE~~

She sits at the end of the jetty penning a tanka poem to her lost love. Earlier attempts bob about on the seawater inside screwed up balls of paper; they slowly unravel into sodden single sheets with the words sucked out of them.

He sails away,
the figurehead of his boat,
captain of nothing.
In deeps, beyond redemption,
sink the wrecks of human dreams.

He floats becalmed in a rubber dinghy amidst flotsam. The sun beats down on him and cooks his brain, as he composes his epitaph.

Here lies a shark that ate a fool who died alone.

<><><>

Photo Prompt: copyright © Fatima Fakier Deria
Friday Fictioneers: 100 word stories

Author: Sarah Potter Writes

Sarah is a British eccentric who writes offbeat fiction, haiku and tanka poetry. When stuck for words, she sketches or paints instead. She's into nature conservation, sustainability, gardening, dogs, natural health, and reading. Her sociability is something that happens in short bursts with long breathing spaces in between.

43 thoughts on “Friday Fictioneers — Adrift Alone”

    1. Dear Rochelle,
      “Wow!” is an excellent word. I’ve heard those in the publishing industry talking about the importance of an author “wowing” them with a novel, so this 100-word story is a good start. I am so glad you loved it.
      All best wishes,
      Sarah

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  3. There was a shift to this I didn’t quite expect. That first sentence had thinking she was mourning him, but it seems she was more angry than sad. I wonder if it would make her happy to know he was angry at himself in the end too. This was an exquisitely well told story that does honor to the form.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. Thank you so much, Rommy 🙂 I think she doesn’t know what she feels, which is why she keeps screwing up sheets of paper and throwing her poems in the water. One minute angry, one minute sad, one minute mystified. Relationships are so complicated and all too often end badly, but hopefully not this badly D: The more I contemplate upon this story, the more sorry I feel for both of them!

      Like

      Reply

  4. This really is exceptional, Sarah! There is so much crammed in to so few words here, from the images to the surface meaning to the meanings tucked into the words, out of sight, waiting for a reader to discover them. Very good writing, my friend.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. Thank you Bill, my dear friend 🙂 This story might be short, but it took me about two hours to craft, which is probably why there is so much crammed into it. I think it was two hours well spent, looking at all the lovely comments people have made. It has certainly filled me with enthusiasm today, as I did two hours of work on my novel editing, before I did anything else. Only 150 pages (double-spaced) to go…
      Also, I’m about three-quarters of the way through reading your book. In fact, yesterday evening, I decided to record one of my favourite programmes on TV, so I could read your book instead, as I was dying to know what happened next!

      Like

      Reply

  5. I love the tragic epitaph. The entire poetic tale is wonderfully weaved together–from prose to tanka to end, from the way we get to experience the poet’s longing and demise… all just wonderful.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. You are supposing that she knows what has happened to him! Anyway, the last time I put one of my literary characters into a helicopter, he had a complete meltdown 😉 Thanks for saying it’s beautifully written. I am in need of encouragement to feed my self-belief just now, as it won’t be long before I go down that perilous route of submitting my novel to publishers and agents. It is about 3 years I’ve had the courage to pursue the traditional route to publication, but I think my writing has matured since then and I’m now sure what sort of novels I want to write and the audience that will most appreciate them.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

      1. Encouragement, encouragement, encouragement, encouragement, encouragement, encouragement, encouragement, encouragement, encouragement, encouragement, encouragement, encouragement, encouragement, encouragement, encouragement, encouragement, encouragement, encouragement, encouragement, encouragement.
        There – is that enough encouragement for you to be getting on with? 😀

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much, Michael 🙂
      You know, I hadn’t even thought of that concept of her ideas being rearranged on the waves. It certainly adds another dimension to the story.
      I often wonder, when prose and poetry is discussed at university or reviewed in the Sunday newspapers, how often something is read into works that the authors themselves hadn’t even thought of!

      Like

      Reply

    1. Thank you, Neel 🙂 I am thrilled that you found some magic in my words. If you’re going to watch my writings intently from now on, I must keep up the magic, so as not to disappoint you!

      Like

      Reply

    1. Thank you so much, Rebecca 🙂 I’m glad you loved the combination of prose and poetry, as it’s the first time I’ve done this. Everybody’s encouraging comments have made we want to write some more stories of this sort.

      Like

      Reply

Please comment, whatever your planet of origin.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.