Friday Fictioneers — Measuring Up

Genre: Saucy fiction
Word count: 100

~~MEASURING UP~~

“Gosh, you’re tall!” people keep saying to me. How the hell would they like it, if I came up to them and said, “You’re short”?

At my first school, I was the shortest in the class. Then I swear that Mum put a cake in my lunchbox with similar magical ingredients to the one Alice ate in Wonderland, but without the shrinking antidote.

There’s this cute fellow at university, who calls me “his Amazonian beauty”. His mates tease him about conversing with my breasts.

Oh, they of limited imagination. He’s a mathematician and knows all about how to handle figures.

<><><>

Photo Prompt: Jennifer Pendergast
Friday Fictioneers: 100 word stories

  

Author: Sarah Potter Writes

Sarah is a British eccentric who writes offbeat fiction, haiku and tanka poetry. When stuck for words, she sketches or paints instead. She's into nature conservation, sustainability, gardening, dogs, natural health, and reading. Her sociability is something that happens in short bursts with long breathing spaces in between.

64 thoughts on “Friday Fictioneers — Measuring Up”

    1. Lovely! I’m so happy to have made you howl, Bill 🙂 I’m 5′ 8″ tall, so quite tall but by no means Amazonian. I used to have a boyfriend who was shorter than me. He was a violinist. I could say something saucy here about his being good at fiddling with his bow… 😉

      Liked by 2 people

      Reply

  4. A wonderful read, Sarah. You really made me laugh. For some strange reason, that very un-PC song ‘Short people’ by Randy Newman, popped into my head and I doubt I’ll be able to get rid of it for a while. 😆

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. Oh Sylvia, I’m glad I made you laugh 🙂 And thanks for telling me about Randy Newman’s un-PC song, which I’d never heard of before. I just popped over to YouTube to listen to it. Now it will be on my brain, too, as I pick up tunes very quickly!

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  5. That *is* saucy fiction, nice! I like the bit about the mathematician and the figures, and am glad she found someone who appreciates her virtues!

    I can relate a bit about the “you’re tall” comments given how often I get the comment, “You’re so pale!” People mean it badly, I know, but I try to pretend they meant it as a compliment, and say, “Why thank you!” After that it’s harder for them to admit, “No, I meant it as an insult.” 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. Thank you, Joy 🙂
      My son will relate to the “You’re so pale!” comment. I must tell him to try that response of yours, next time someone says it to him. My problem is being very slim, so people assume I’m on a diet and dish up the smallest portion of food for me when I have a huge appetite. I once asked a woman who was hosting a dinner party, why she had given my husband the biggest portion of pudding, when it was me who wanted to put weight on and not him. She didn’t invite me again, but my husband now knows to swap puddings with me when this happens! People, and their personal comments D:

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

      1. Oh my, if people are presumptuous enough to serve out different sized portions to their guests without asking, they should expect said guests to engage in trading negotiations!

        Liked by 1 person

  6. Nothing sexier than a partner who knows how to handle figures and who isn’t intimidated for things that seem too high.

    Love the tone and theme of the piece. And your genre note made me giggle… and then nod. 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

    Reply

  9. In answer to your question in the first paragraph, simply ask Rochelle. She knows all about being vertically challenged.

    I’ve always enjoyed math. One thing I’ve discovered when handling figures, the more you go over them the better you become at solving their mysteries.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. Rochelle is the same height as my Granny was, and she was married to a man of 6′ 4″.
      I’m glad to hear that you are a determined solver of the mysteries of figures. Lucky figures!

      Like

      Reply

  11. Dear Sarah,

    I love this story so much I nearly applauded. It’s still dark out so I didn’t want to wake Jan so I didn’t clap. Delightful story. While it’s hard on boys to be short it’s difficult for girls to be tall. (Of course I’ll never know that firsthand.) The last line is perfect. This one is definitely among my favorites for the week. 😀

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

    1. Dear Rochelle,
      I adore the image of you awake in the early hours and sitting on your hands to stop applauding. Thank you so much for your lovely comment. Can you see me glowing at your praise from here? 🙂
      All best wishes,
      Sarah

      Like

      Reply

  12. This was fantastic, Sarah! I loved it and burst out laughing! As you know, I’m a smidge taller than you and nothing makes me laugh more when I’m told “Oooh… I like tall women…” Now I’m going to have to wonder why… 😉

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

      2. Eccentric is good 🙂 I’m down south, in sunny Sussex-by-the-sea, but I visited York many years ago, as I had friends in the York Astronomy Society. We once raised money for the society by doing the Lyke Wake Walk across the Moors.
        In my latest, not yet published speculative novel, one of my characters passes through York whilst fleeing from pursuers. Her bicycle meets its end on a cobbled street!

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Ha! Perhaps that would be Micklegate. 🙂
        So you’d be familiar with York Observatory in the Museum Gardens then.
        Yes – eccentric is marvellously good – just ask the Pythons. 🙂
        Nearest I have been to Sussex is Worthing.

        Liked by 1 person

      4. The incident with the bicycle happens in The Shambles.
        I’m an East Sussex girl.
        And yes, I was raised on Monty Python. Just love it. I’m first-rate at any number of Python silly walks!

        Liked by 2 people

  15. Great, novel use of the photo prompt, Sarah. I didn’t expect anyone to do what you’ve so delightfully called a saucy story. Wonderful observation re: how people feel it’s okay to remark on other people’s bodies (as if they were asked). I used to get the skinny/thin comments all the time, before children anyway.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. Thanks, Leigh. I didn’t expect it to turn into a saucy story either. The literary muse took hold of me and started to dish up that surprise halfway through. As a writer, I love being a pantser, rather than a plotter. It’s so much more suspenseful.
      I got the skinny comments after having children. Before that, I had an hourglass figure that weighed a couple of stones more.
      People and their comments. I only ever comment on someone’s appearance if I have something genuinely nice to say that will cheer them up, otherwise I keep quiet.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  16. Sarah, I used to do the “I wish to report a burglary . . . a burglary” voice pretty well, but my husband hates how loud I have to get to pitch my voice so shriekingly high like that. Cool that you can do silly walks.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. Thanks, Inese. I’m glad the story amused you 🙂 And I agree with you, there are definitely more important things than what height people are. Some are so hooked on body image, whether it’s their own or other people’s bodies. There should be a place in this world for all shapes and sizes without censure. We should celebrate differences and not expect everybody to conform to a standard. It’s not like people can choose what height they are and, heaven forbid, that we should go down the route of designer babies!

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

    1. Some historians will argue that Napoleon was only short by today’s standards, but was of fairly average height for his time; that it was his enemies who spread misinformation about his diminutive stature to humiliate him. Still, he kept Josephine happy by all accounts, whatever his size!

      Like

      Reply

  23. Perfect last line and well woven story throughout, great take. It reminded me of when I put got larger, the English would all say politely, “you’re putting on a bit of weight, when I returned to Portugal, my Portuguese friends all went, “Gosh, you’ve got fat!”

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. Thank you, Michael 🙂 Sadly, I’ve noticed that quite often the English say things politely to a person’s face, but then be rude behind their back. Out of interest, had you got fat? I’m guessing that you weren’t too offended by their remarks, or you wouldn’t still be calling them friends.

      Like

      Reply

    1. You’ll be glad to hear, then, Sherri, that there’s quite a lot of sauce dished up in my speculative fiction novel, amidst plenty of drama. I’m halfway through the edits, although the sauce stays! 😉 xxxx

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

Please comment, whatever your planet of origin.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.